Friday, March 12, 2010

Tempest Tossed

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,

I had a midterm yesterday that was stressful. I didn't go to a class last night when was for the better. I got news today that something I thought has been in the works since December isn't going to work out after all. I thought I'd followed the process. I thought everything I did was appropriate, and when the other person let me know that they thought some things weren't, I understood their perspective and apologized with the intention to not mess up. We had a conversation last week and were supposed to meet again today.

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

I sent an e-mail to set up the meeting and didn't hear anything. Last week's meeting, I thought, started rocky and smoothed as it went on. We made some great, detailed plans and needed to gather some more information for a more solid, formalized timeline. We agreed to meet again today. I sent an e-mail on Monday to set up a time to meet today. I didn't hear anything back all week. I called this morning to confirm receipt of the e-mail and to check that the proposed time was a good time for meeting. I was told that they didn't think it was going to work out. No explanation why or what would've helped, just that it wasn't going to work out. Then I put my cassock on and started setting up for Eucharist. This plan that I've been nursing, somewhat counting on since December fell through...and now I need to find a replacement.

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

I stood outside the Chapel of the Good Shepherd to greet and pass out bulletins as I listened to the birds sing. Earlier this week (before it got dark and cold) I gave thanks for birdsong. I was thankful again today for the singing birds and for the rain that has been coming and going all day. Yes, it's gross, but it will get the fertilizer into the soil and it will get the new grass seed there with it. It will water the new life that is already breaking from the soil. I really wanted Ben to be chiming "Count Your Many Blessings," even though he is home now. I'm thankful for him. I was thankful for prospective students, and for James. Thankful for Jeff and the opportunity to be a sacristan. Thankful that there is no evensong tonight, so I'm both on Spring Break now. Thankful that tonight I'm seeing my third (3rd) Broadway show this week.

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

My spirits improved somewhat. They are continuing so to do now. I've discussed the situation with a few people. Some of it has been venting, some parts have been "Clearly I don't need to be there for one reason or another." Discernment is never a one-sided thing. Maybe this was a discernment on the other person's part, although right now I just feel like it's kind of flaky. Maybe there are genuine reservations, and that's part of the discernment, but I think that communal discernment means getting those things out in the open. But God's done a lot. God's directed me to look other places, and has given me lots of stuff. I have a radiator to keep me warm. I have friends from college visiting. I have been texting with a good friend I haven't heard from in awhile. Fr. Gentile helped me cast on for my next knitting project.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

No comments:

Post a Comment