Thursday, August 14, 2008

Two Things

Sorry I haven't updated, David.  I've been really busy.  Since I left Evanston I moved to Troy and have been getting started doing things and getting them ready for the school year.  Leadership positions will do that.

Two things that I'll talk about tonight.  Note that I am trying to do a better job updating my blog.  Summer is over, so I've stopped writing Jacob's weekly letters, so I need to write stuff.  Both of my issues have to do with self-confidence and self-perception.

Lately I've been freaking out about my weight.  Not too much freaking out really except for one night earlier this week. I tried to run on Tuesday but I had absolutely no motivation. The way I've been putting it is "pretending to run." I ran a quarter of a mile and turned around and walked back, beating myself up the entire way. I continued that most of the day and into the night. Right before I went to bed I was really hard on myself and it just wasn't good. I planned on skipping yesterday and I did.

This morning I got up and did a mile. Two tomorrow is the plan. Then off on Saturday. So, if you pray, pray that I'll be more motivated about running and that I won't have issues about how I perceive myself. The other night I was really angry and down. It was good that I had someone to walk me through it

The other thing is that I'm really questioning entering the postulancy process. I feel so young. Then I remembered, "Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young..." This hit me again yesterday as I was filling out my stuff for before my psychological evaluation. I don't know how I feel about that.  I'm looking forward to it, but the questions seemed just directed at older people.  I don't know.  Just a weird feeling knowing that I'm going to be terribly young compared to other clergy people in the diocese. Maybe I'm not conveying it well, but I feel like I'm not going to have any life experience. I know that I have school, but meh. Hard to explain. Questioning myself. Not questioning my call, but questioning my going right into it. It's what I'm supposed to do, though.

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