Run, Joseph, Run!

I've been sick the last two weeks.  It's almost completely totally gone.  There are still a few coughs here and there, but I'm way better.  The first week of that I didn't run; my lungs couldn't handle it, I didn't think.  And the extra rest was good for the healing process.  Last week I ran Monday and Tuesday and then was done for the week.  I'm trying to change my schedule from taking Wednesday off to Friday off since I am usually out on Thursday nights and getting up on Friday is difficult after being out later.  I'm an old man and go to bed between 9:30 and 10:30 on most nights.  11:00 at the latest.

I didn't run yesterday.  This morning when my alarm went off, and maybe even last night when I went to bed my legs were screaming at me.  "HEY YOU!  WHY HAVEN'T WE RUN!?  It's @$#(* time!" When I started really exercising last February one of my goals was to condition my body to want to exercise.  I still don't like it or get any high from it or anything, but it had been too long since I'd run and my body knew it.  And this morning I had a great run.

A month ago or so I had to buy new jeans because all the ones I had were too big.  I got two new pairs and have been loving wearing them.  I got some money from Mom for Valentine's Day and used it to get new adult pants (since I have to wear slacks to work).  Slacks that fit well make one feel great, especially when they're a size smaller than one has worn in five years.  For almost three years my weight goal has been 180, and I hit it last week or the week before.  It's stayed down.

This morning I burned 664 cal while running 4.56 mi in 50 min.  At the end of the run/beginning of the cool down my heart rate was 192.  When I got out of the shower and got on the scale?  177.4!  180 has been my goal and now my goal is to stay between 175 and 180.  And if I keep getting smaller, well, so be it.  I'm really thankful for encouragement and support that people near and far, whom I've met and whom I haven't have given me.  This has been friends, family, new friends, and people to whom I'm extremely close.  Having a running buddy in Mexico helped me, too.

I think that our dieting in Mexico helped a lot, too.  Controlled portion sizes.  And I've noticed that I'm a lot more conscious of how much I eat now.  I'm having a dance party in my room right now.  I did a happy dance (literally this time, not just in my head) when I got off the scale.  This is my weight low.  I don't know the last time I weighed this little but it has to have been sometime in high school.  I don't think I've worn 32s since middle school.  It's a good day.

And any bishops reading this as a result of my bio that went out yesterday, I don't always just blog about myself. ;)

Two Things

Sorry I haven't updated, David.  I've been really busy.  Since I left Evanston I moved to Troy and have been getting started doing things and getting them ready for the school year.  Leadership positions will do that.

Two things that I'll talk about tonight.  Note that I am trying to do a better job updating my blog.  Summer is over, so I've stopped writing Jacob's weekly letters, so I need to write stuff.  Both of my issues have to do with self-confidence and self-perception.

Lately I've been freaking out about my weight.  Not too much freaking out really except for one night earlier this week. I tried to run on Tuesday but I had absolutely no motivation. The way I've been putting it is "pretending to run." I ran a quarter of a mile and turned around and walked back, beating myself up the entire way. I continued that most of the day and into the night. Right before I went to bed I was really hard on myself and it just wasn't good. I planned on skipping yesterday and I did.

This morning I got up and did a mile. Two tomorrow is the plan. Then off on Saturday. So, if you pray, pray that I'll be more motivated about running and that I won't have issues about how I perceive myself. The other night I was really angry and down. It was good that I had someone to walk me through it

The other thing is that I'm really questioning entering the postulancy process. I feel so young. Then I remembered, "Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young..." This hit me again yesterday as I was filling out my stuff for before my psychological evaluation. I don't know how I feel about that.  I'm looking forward to it, but the questions seemed just directed at older people.  I don't know.  Just a weird feeling knowing that I'm going to be terribly young compared to other clergy people in the diocese. Maybe I'm not conveying it well, but I feel like I'm not going to have any life experience. I know that I have school, but meh. Hard to explain. Questioning myself. Not questioning my call, but questioning my going right into it. It's what I'm supposed to do, though.