Ritual, Religion, and Relationship

Last week I posted a link on Facebook to the article “The Truth About Salvation”.  I excerpted the end:

“Shouldn’t it alarm us that such simplistic pathways to Christianity are nowhere to be found in God’s Word? Shouldn’t we who follow Christ be concerned that the Scriptures contain no references to people asking Jesus into their hearts or reciting a prayer of salvation?...It’s a lie. With good intentions and a sincere desire to reach as many people as possible for Christ, we’ve subtly and deceptively minimized the magnitude of what it means to follow Jesus.” 

I concluded by saying that sounded like Mainline talk (or talk that I’ve heard from Mainliners) from an Evangelical. Someone commented on my post and said, “It's a horrible lie...that one only need to walk an aisle and quietly repeat a prayer. And it is a horrible lie that the rituals of any religion will bring salvation, too. Relationship not ritual!”

I think it would be a horrible lie that the rituals of any religion will bring salvation if I had ever heard someone say that; I just haven’t. Growing up I heard similar things about more liturgical traditions, “They think that if they just go to Mass they’ll get to heaven.” Not quite. It’s a lot more nuanced than that because the approach is different. Rather than being about praying a prayer, there is an understanding that grace is conveyed not through rituals, but through materials. Grace and salvation don’t come from what we do (receiving communion, being baptized), but what God does in the bread and wine, in the washing water, in the healing oil So much are these actions about God and not us, that the Church long ago decided that the state of grace of the person doesn’t matter for them to be efficacious. (For those who say otherwise, see donatism).

I whole-heartedly reject the notion that relationship is not ritual. Ritual is an invitation to or expectation of relationship as the Body of Christ does something as one. Baptism gives people with five senses a way to engage their senses as they make promises to Christ and are brought into a community. When asked, “Will you do these things that we’re all trying to do?” the baptizand replies, “I will, with God’s help.” In that moment we have a relationship with Christ. Like all other relationships it takes work, but we are marked as Christ’s own forever. When we come to the table of grace we are continually joined to Christ as Christ continues to take up residence in us. The practice of it may be different than some others’, but God is active, even if we don’t always understand how.

These moments of relationship bring us to salvation. For a long, long time the Church (for the most part) has believed that grace is conveyed in these acts. The Nicene Creed explicitly says, “We believe in one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.” That statement is inherently relational because it’s what we believe. It was put into the Nicene Creed in A.D. 381. Rather than being “just a symbol,” the Church believes that something happens. Because something happens from God and not from us, we only have to do it once at that.

There are a lot of things that seem like equating relationship and ritual, but those are often from a place of a very narrow definition of what a ritual is. Disciples are also rituals, from keeping a prayer journal to having a daily quiet time. Doing it over and over again is a ritual that is used to build relationship. I have been critical of the “Praying that prayer” model because although there is an expectation of relationship, there isn’t necessary follow-up — and often the statement that it’s okay. You prayed that prayer and that’s all you’ve got to do.

For this very reason I’m critical of drive through baptisms, where the parents have no intention of bringing their child back and are not in relationship with the community. The difference in my mind, though, is that God is active either way. When done well both models have safeguards built in, but the one I prefer is one that is about God’s action and then the community promising to be a part of the ongoing life of the newly baptized. Because it’s the Spirit present in the water, though, it sticks.

“Asking Jesus into one’s heart” is arguable a ritual in and of itself, and that’s not a bad thing. Letting that be the stopping point (which Platt is arguing against in his work) is what bothers me — but that’s not the ideal. What also bothers me, though is an outright rejection of ritual based on one’s preference (which, in my experience, often comes from lack of exposure over time, so hard to understand) rather than wondering how someone else’s practices may be formative for them.

How might we wonder with others about their practices? Through asking questions rather than making assumptions based on our outsiders’ perceptions. Through asking ourselves how our practices are formative for us and inviting others into them with us. How else?

Reflection on Titus

I actually really like today's Titus reading, gender norms and expectations aside.

But as for you, teach what is consistent with sound doctrine. Tell the older men to be temperate, serious, prudent, and sound in faith, in love, and in endurance. Likewise, tell the older women to be reverent in behavior, not to be slanderers or slaves to drink; they are to teach what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, chaste, good managers of the household, kind, being submissive to their husbands, so that the word of God may not be discredited. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, gravity, and sound speech that cannot be censured; then any opponent will be put to shame, having nothing evil to say of us. Tell slaves to be submissive to their masters and to give satisfaction in every respect; they are not to talk back, not to pilfer, but to show complete and perfect fidelity, so that in everything they may be an ornament to the doctrine of God our Savior.

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all, training us to renounce impiety and worldly passions, and in the present age to live lives that are self-controlled, upright, and godly, while we wait for the blessed hope and the manifestation of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ. He it is who gave himself for us that he might redeem us from all iniquity and purify for himself a people of his own who are zealous for good deeds.

Declare these things; exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one look down on you.

There's some stuff in it that I don't like.  I'll own that.  And there are some things in it that have undoubtedly been used to dominate and oppress women and people of color.  But there's more to the text than that, and if we look at its wholeness I think there's some good things to glean.  This came up in Chapel a few weeks ago and it made people giggle because the gendering is so far from where we are.  I'm glad it came up today, though.

I'm reading Hauerwas and Willimon's Resident Aliens right now for my ethics class, and today's readings make me think about what they say about the Church being a community that is different and set apart and has its own stories and customs.  The text has older people teaching the younger people good habits and virtues.  Temperance, self-control, honesty, love of partner, etc.  It's all practical, too.  When you do what you're supposed to do and your behavior can't be called into question it's hard to have opponents.

And then there's the God part.  We can't do it alone or on our own.  This should be a given, it's kind of a part of our faith story, but I know that I'm having a hard time with it.  Having a hard time, have a hard time.  I need to get some help with something but don't want to.  I know I need it, but I want to be able to tough it alone.  And I think when I'm honest the help will say that I actually need a lot more and am not nearly as self-sufficient as I think I am.

I'm in a weird spot right now of trying to figure out support networks and who I can count on and who I can't and what is reasonable expectation for friends and what isn't.  And whether I'm being excluded intentionally or unintentionally and if I've done something I don't realize or if we're all just busy.  And why people I often want to invest in seem to not really want to invest in me.  And why I feel less close to people I felt close and if I'm not being not invited inasmuch as people know my schedule.

That's a lot of I in that paragraph, and I'm not going to try to be too hard on myself about that.  This Lent I'm going to work on cultivating some friendships and building some support so that I don't wind up going to bed at 7:00.  It's going to take more work than I'd like apparently.  There's a lot of ongoing processing happening and a lot of feeling rejected.  But I'm going to work on focusing on others in service and in listening...and remembering that I can't do any of it alone.

What I'm Doing

At my friend Erin's prompting, I'm going to write a collect every day.  Last year I gave up social media and it was great.  I'm still working out what I'm doing this year, but I am going to write a collect...with some boundaries as future training.  The Book of Common Prayer set out that the Prayers of the People have to pray for certain areas in the Church and world, but not that the forms have to be used (BCP, 383).  Likewise, there are four options for the Collect after the Prayers: collect appropriate to the season or occasion being celebrated; a collect expressive of some special need in the life of the local congregation; a collect for the mission of the church; and a general collect (BCP, 394).  Hatchett is quick to point out ("What's in a Rubric?") that the first listed option is the preferential option.

The preference is not to use a general collect, but one about the day.  At St. Paul's Chapel we interpret that by having our script say that the presider improvises a prayer based on the readings.  Throughout these forty days I'm going to try to improvise a prayer based on the Daily Office readings for each day.  I'm writing this entry to explain and so that people know they aren't from the Prayer Book.  God deliver me from being the man who prays in public in today's Luke reading!  By writing these during this time I hope to get better at improvising prayers.  The Prayer Book is great, but by praying using it I hope that I have learned to pray some as things come up without turning to a page.

Make a good Lent.

Dust to Daffodils, Part 1

It was a long six weeks from remember that we are dust to walking down in a cassock 9th Ave looking at daffodils on my way to be a eucharistic minister at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine's Easter 11:00 service. However, as I've contemplated the beauty of spring (and enjoyed the spring imagery I'd never noticed before) in Easter hymns, I realzied that I haven't necessarily talked a lot about what I've been doing. I posted songs and videos and commentary on news and such. Links and sundries, but not a lot of day-to-day, week-to-week goings on that I think Judy et al. might like to read about. It'll be splotchy, not chronological. Some pictures thrown in.

I had a fabulous Easter, perhaps the best I've had. Certainly the best I've had in a while. The Vigil was outstanding. I went to the Vigil on campus, where we were joined by the Church of the Ascension. All I have to say is wow. People in long white robes, shiny scarves, and a enormous cauldron of fire lighting a four-foot tall candle, then lots of people chanting as they follow this large candle. Then they sit in the dark, sing some more, then turn the lights on and sing

Earth her joy confesses,
clothing her for spring,
all fresh gifts return
with her returning King:
bloom in every meadow,
leaves on every bough,
speak his sorrow ended,
hail his triumph now.

Months in due succession,
days of lengthening light,
hours and passing moments
praise thee in their flight.
Brightness of the morning,
sky and fields and sea,
Vanquisher of darkness,
bring their praise to thee.

Christianity has never co-opted parts of other religions and used them for their purposes.

It was a fabulous service. The music was outstanding. We had a true celebration. After the vigil I went to sing karaoke with a friend of mine for a few hours then walked back to the Close for bed. I was up again the next morning to go up to the Cathedral. Me, Ben, and James opted to wear our cassocks for the commute up and take our surplices in a garment bag. We were on time, quickly briefed, did a little wandering, then went back to the sacristy to get dressed. That experience in its entirety was simply glorious.

Lining up in the ambulatory I thought, "This is a snapshot of years of ordinations and diocesan conventions to come." When the music started we were off. The processions were perfecly timed, both for us to get to the back to the church to receive the Bishop of New York, and for the whole big party to get up to the choir and sanctuary. Too many crosses in procession for my taste, but c'est la vie.  We were sitting just below the altar. The clergy were out-standing, all around. Gently and guiding, caring, and happy to have us. It was a truly joyful celebration. I served with one of the canons. There were two chalices for each paten, and let me tell you, the number of stations was great. They were expecting about 3,000 people, and it went really well. One of my favorite parts was when we were invited to "Sing the melody, harmony or another song all together" for the first and second verses of "Amazing Grace." Ben, James, and I were doing oblutions during that. And Ben and I both helped someone finish her chalice.

The service continued, we retired, and then walked back. That will be another post, though, because this is long enough.

Tempest Tossed

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,

I had a midterm yesterday that was stressful. I didn't go to a class last night when was for the better. I got news today that something I thought has been in the works since December isn't going to work out after all. I thought I'd followed the process. I thought everything I did was appropriate, and when the other person let me know that they thought some things weren't, I understood their perspective and apologized with the intention to not mess up. We had a conversation last week and were supposed to meet again today.

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

I sent an e-mail to set up the meeting and didn't hear anything. Last week's meeting, I thought, started rocky and smoothed as it went on. We made some great, detailed plans and needed to gather some more information for a more solid, formalized timeline. We agreed to meet again today. I sent an e-mail on Monday to set up a time to meet today. I didn't hear anything back all week. I called this morning to confirm receipt of the e-mail and to check that the proposed time was a good time for meeting. I was told that they didn't think it was going to work out. No explanation why or what would've helped, just that it wasn't going to work out. Then I put my cassock on and started setting up for Eucharist. This plan that I've been nursing, somewhat counting on since December fell through...and now I need to find a replacement.

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

I stood outside the Chapel of the Good Shepherd to greet and pass out bulletins as I listened to the birds sing. Earlier this week (before it got dark and cold) I gave thanks for birdsong. I was thankful again today for the singing birds and for the rain that has been coming and going all day. Yes, it's gross, but it will get the fertilizer into the soil and it will get the new grass seed there with it. It will water the new life that is already breaking from the soil. I really wanted Ben to be chiming "Count Your Many Blessings," even though he is home now. I'm thankful for him. I was thankful for prospective students, and for James. Thankful for Jeff and the opportunity to be a sacristan. Thankful that there is no evensong tonight, so I'm both on Spring Break now. Thankful that tonight I'm seeing my third (3rd) Broadway show this week.

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

My spirits improved somewhat. They are continuing so to do now. I've discussed the situation with a few people. Some of it has been venting, some parts have been "Clearly I don't need to be there for one reason or another." Discernment is never a one-sided thing. Maybe this was a discernment on the other person's part, although right now I just feel like it's kind of flaky. Maybe there are genuine reservations, and that's part of the discernment, but I think that communal discernment means getting those things out in the open. But God's done a lot. God's directed me to look other places, and has given me lots of stuff. I have a radiator to keep me warm. I have friends from college visiting. I have been texting with a good friend I haven't heard from in awhile. Fr. Gentile helped me cast on for my next knitting project.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Reflection on the Journey

With varying regularity over the last three years I've read Susan Russell's An Inch at a Time: Reflections on the Journey. Today I have a reflection on my journey to Easter. This a certain webpage is relevant today.

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her twitter to complain about me. FML.

I think that right now It's very, very, good that I'm not using Facebook or Twitter or the passive-aggression would be SHOWING FORTH from my fingers.

While I can mention that I want to be passive-aggressive, I'm having to filter it because I'd never actually say it in person or directly to people in electronic communication, which is a nice objective for using electronic communication. And I'm having to process what's making me feel the way I am. The kinds of things I want to say are pretty hateful and defensive, but that's how I feel right now. And I'm having to not react. I've shed two things I don't need which, as it turns out, also separate me from God and my neighbor.

Rather than lashing out at others or getting angry and defensive (or at least showing that), I'm having to think about what's causing me to feel the way I do and try to find constructive ways to respond, if any response is warranted. I'm having to rely on other people to help me with this work since I can't do it on my own...and Lent is helping me with it. I'm praying about it and just calmly thinking about it. There's still some purely raw ranting here and there to one or two people, but most of my talk about it is a focused thought on how I got where I am and where to go from there.

For those who don't know, I take things very personally sometimes a lot of times. That's something I've struggled with for as long as I remember, and it's very likely to happen when I've invested in something. I take things personally and am hard on myself. So after I get mad about whatever critique or suggestion has been offered, I internalize it and see it as a critique of me (sometimes that order is switched), and then I blame myself for whatever it is and think of all the ways I do things wrong about whatever. I've gotten sooooo much better about the last part with regard to somethings, but I have a long way to go yet.

And I can't do it alone. I have to talk to people about how I feel, about what I hear (which is often very different than what is being conveyed), and rely on them for encouragement and guidance/suggestions on where to go, how to think, or what to do next. I'm always really thankful for surprise e-mails that say really nice things about what I'm doing. And I'm thankful for older people who are calm and not involved in the situation who can read things more neutrally.

So yeah, I'm not getting to be passive-aggressive. Probably good practice for the long run. I don't really like passive-aggression, but it's usually easier than direct response to something or actually saying something to someone that is in an appropriate tone and manner. That's a big part of my desire right now to be passive-aggressive: my aggression would be really intensely channeled aggression that wouldn't get anyone very far.

May God continue to shape me on this journey toward Easter both by God's presence and servants in my life.

Twinky Boy

Sunday morning I went to First Pres. It was the most Protestant service I've been to since Timothy's wedding. I don't mean that as a dig to either, just that I've gotten very conditioned to at least prayer book informed worship. I went to hear Emily's youth choir sing a text to Holy Manna. Since I was in the neighborhood and it was Sunday, ergo a break in the fast, I decided to go to BLT Burger. I had decided beforehand that I was going to get a milkshake from them since I was wanting one and fighting off sugars during the week is getting harder and harder, especially with the same fresh fruit options in the refectory.

The one I got is called Twinky Boy. I mean the name alone is a good place to start. ;). It is vanilla ice cream, twinkies, and caramel syrup. Yes, please.



I split my portion of my falafel burger to make the portion smaller and to make the meal more economic.

More On Lenten Order

A few weeks ago I wrote about getting rid of the clutter in our lives during Lent and compared it to getting rid of the clutter in my room. I'm back at that, but this time I have another layer to add to the comparison. I've got a lot to do this week, namely studying for a big midterm on Thursday plus regular classes prep-work, and entertaining. But I might be about to spend the next twenty minutes or so cleaning my room because I have to do it this weekend.

Why do I have to do it this weekend? Because I have guests coming in on Tuesday. Between classes, work, and other stuff (studying for this exam!), I won't have time to do it except today. I meant to do it yesterday, but other stuff came up that I had to do instead. And as I sit on my bed not doing the cleaning, reading, or studying, I think, "This cleaning is more with a purpose. I'm not cleaning for the sake of having a clean room (although I do like that). I'm cleaning because I'm preparing for people's arrival.

Although that sounds more like an Advent thought as we prepare for the Christ Child, I think in Lent we prepare for the presence of the Resurrected Christ. We know the Lord Jesus in the breaking of the bread each week in expectation and preparation for that time after we've suspended our disbelief and find out (again) that the stone is rolled away. While I've been conscious about Lent as a time of preparation and cleaning up, I think I have a little more to think about as I tidy up my life, stripping away the unnecessary stuff. I'm doing this to get ready for an encounter with Christ.

But today I'm doing this to prepare for an encounter with Jenni and Anna!

Goodbye Snow

This is what the igloo is now.


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Boots

These are the boots I bought last Friday:



Monday I was walking in the Village and stumbled upon a Marc Jacobs with colorful men's Wellies...for cheaper than my Kmart boots. I returned the tan boots on Tuesday with the intention of getting Wellies. Today at lunch, after a dreadful morning and rocky start to lunch someone proposed our going to get Wellies together. I came back with these:



They're a red-orange with yellow soles and buckles. They can be worn over or under boot-cut jeans. I'm quite pleased with my purchase. Good looking and functional for fighting "New York Gravy" when drains don't drain and snow starts to melt.


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Mental Health Day

I'm trying really hard to not skip classes today. I feel like it's not going to be a good day and that if I go I'm going to have a hard time paying attention. My exercising is frustrating me today. I got up to run this morning, but I didn't do it. I was on the elliptical about three minutes before I said I wasn't doing it this morning. I went to set up faculty coffee and decided I'd try again. I made it four minutes and said, "I'll just do 20 today instead of 40, that'll get something done." At five I quit again. I just have no motivation to run today. I'll try to make it up on Saturday, but right now I feel like a failure.

I had a mini-freak out Tuesday during the work out. I'm unfortunately so self-aware that I know that a lot of the frustration is media body image stuff...but knowing that doesn't make me say, "I don't need to look like that," when, in fact, I do want to look like that...but I want some kind of motivation to work toward it or feel like getting there isn't hopeless. I'm not expecting overnight changes, but something four weeks in wouldn't hurt. I went to the doctor yesterday for a first meeting. I weighed 204. I thought I'd lost four pounds in these four weeks. I actually may not have weighed 208 in January; I may have actually weight more like 213-214. While on the one hand that'd mean I'd lost closer to ten pounds, it also means I'd gained more weight than I'd realized.

All the one liners about exercise are feeling empty right now. No, I don't have more energy through the day. No, I don't feel better in general. No, I don't feel great right after a work out. I'm still sore from Tuesday which means that I did something, but tomorrow I'll still be sore and I'll try to push myself and I'll feel like I'm failing and I won't want to keep going. I'm a pretty healthy 23 year old, and that's not from exercising five days a week. It's hard to keep going when I'm just in pain, feeling like I'm doing the exercises wrong or not as well as I just should be. I'm in general hard on myself and get really frustrated about things that don't come naturally to me.

I hate that I feel like I'm fat sometimes. I hate that I feel like I look fat. But those are two things I feel, particularly moments like now when I didn't run. I know I'll never be rail thin, but I'd like to be thinner. Looking at people's heights/weights is deceptive because my frame is just bigger. I'm getting tired of eating the same fruits in the refectory every day as I cut back my sugar intake and feeling like it's for naught...all the while looking at all the cookies and cheesecakes and brownies. I think my relationship with sugar has improved; when I do eat it I'm very conscious of how much I'm eating. That's a step in the right direction if nothing else. There is lots of positive, but it's hard to see right now. I couldn't do my 40 minutes on the elliptical.

Now is a perfect time to reflect on Lenten stripping down, I suppose. I don't need to look like an Abercrombie model, even if I want to. I don't need to be as thin or fit as some of my classmates are. I need to be healthy, and that doesn't mean being ripped, even if that's what I want. I need to consciously not let that be an idol. I think it's okay for me to exercise to look better, but I need to be exercising to be healthy. I have to figure out how to slog through one to get to the other, though...and I have the distinct feeling that, like so many other things, it won't be on my own.

So, people of Chelsea and people of Chelsea Square. If you are interested in doing exercise on the elliptical or treadmill or running around Chelsea at about 6:05 three mornings a week, be in touch with me. I don't know how far I can go, I've just been trying to be active for forty minutes. I am taking a mental health morning, missing Old Testament, and will be in Church History.

Productive Weekend

I had a very productive weekend. I got up early on Saturday and went to the Park. I could curse for not writing this last night. I have all the pictures on Facebook and would link to them, but no Facebook during the week! Drat! I'll post some from my phone of a few things that I snapped shots of, but I was really preferring the real digital camera for higher resolution. This is stuff I'll probably get prints of sometime.

Then two hours in the Met. That already was productivity: two hours playing in the park, two hours at the museum! I went back to my room and played around on here (blogging and looking at stats), and then I slept for three hours. I got a phone call that woke me up. I was going to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. The longer I stayed awake the hungrier I got, so I stayed awake. I wrote my museum paper and finished my philosophy paper that I had started the night before. Then I went over to Jess's and watched PS I Love You which was really long but was really sweet.

Yesterday I was late for church but I went to the adult forum/new person meeting/confirmation class. I was there a long time, but I met some people and had good conversations. I started to see how St. Mark's, if I'm there, will push me; it won't be a skate for me even though I'll enjoy it. I came back, did Greek, read Old Testament, led music in the Chapel (exciting blog entry forthcoming), and then went to St. Lydia's. Really busy weekend, got all my writing done. No running today, but I did proof my paper that's due today. Midterm (and visitors!) next week.

One Week Down

Good morning blogland. I am blogging so as to not read for class. I'm one week in to my second semester as a seminarian, and I'm glad that it's done. A senior and I were talking briefly yesterday, and he said that the first week back is always really hard, and I agree. Trying to figure out a new routine, trying to get everything in to the routine, etc. But back I am with some changes to my week-to-week activity. Taking on less class (Thanks be to God), but still working ten hours a week. But I'm also now a lot more involved in chapel life, beyond regular attendance at Morning Prayer and Eucharist.

Now I'm co-planning the Sunday night community Eucharist, which is using all paperless music. This week I'll be sending an e-mail recruiting people to lead the music, and hopefully we'll get a nice little community of singers who lead, eat, and sing together that in time starts writing music which we then workshop together at our eating times. That's what I'm envisioning and hoping for...and hoping that I'm not really the only one leading music the rest of the semester, but if that happens God will be praised and I'll have a good time doing it.

I'm also now a sacristan, which is very neat. I started yesterday and have already learned a lot about the chapel that I didn't know before. I'm really looking forward to serving in that role the next two years. My day is Friday which is funny because I have to work my homework routine around it, but it works. It makes sure that I get up in the morning, and adds my evensong attendance to at least once a week.

Additionally, I'm getting myself a cupcake today. That is my reward for having exercised every day this week. 35-40 minutes on the elliptical three days and weight machines on a circuit the other two. Yesterday was one of them and my muscles feel it and it's the best kind of sore. Not throbbing pain, but good. And the stuff is getting easier and it feels good. In addition to the exercise I've cut back on my carb intake, and only had fruit for dessert in the refectory all week. Thus, I'm getting a cupcake today as my reward before I go sing.

Today is a Sacred Harp day. Tomorrow I don't know where I'm going to church. I'm leading songs at Eucharist tomorrow night and really need to do a decent amount of practince on one of them today, which I'll make work. I ned to get some reading done, which I'll make happen, too. We sang a Sacred Harp song last night as the Office Hymn at evensong, which almost made up for the rest of the office.

Dinner with the bishop and others from Alabama and Florida. Was very good. Very relaxed. Informal. Questions about field ed and CPE. Good wine. Good conversation.

Time for homework. It's snowing here.

If That's Movin' Up, then I'm Movin' Out

Or, Moving in to Dehon 3A-N
The Close, particularly the 21st St. side is not the easiest place to move in to. you have to go through two gates which require a pass-card, and there are stairs and so on. The movers parked the truck and had only half an hour left of official work because of our mishaps getting to the seminary. We decided it's be best and easiest to move all the stuff to Michael and Katie's apartment first. So we unload the stuff and start taking it up the stairs. They're on the third floor of White, which is on the other side of the Seminary from my room in Dehon. We work, but we're tired. We'd been driving for twelve or so hours at that point. And as Michael and I started to go through the Tunnel, it started to rain lightly again. So we were tired and were trying unpack.
There came a point where we tried to do some staging areas, but that didn't work so well. I didn't realize how full the truck was because it was packed really well. Then 8:30 came. The movers were allowed to leave because we'd been late. But they were nice movers and gave us a free 30 minutes and helped us with the heavy stuff...but then we were on our own. :( And we moved stuff. And a student helped. And I started to feel desperation. I'd gotten my room stuff but hadn't been to my room yet. I didn't know anyone, and we weren't getting much help. And it was hot and humid (worse than Alabama). And I had a depressed Facebook status update from my phone concerning ZIP codes.
And then we got was we needed: permission to bend the rules some...and then a lot of help all at once. The Fabulous Anna Noon said, "We're going to operate in staging areas just to get the truck empty. We're going to break the rules and prop things, but we'll still be watching." And that's what we did. We got stuff in to the inner gate, and then the outer gate, and then to the bottom of White.
And then a crew arrived! A bunch of guys from my class and the middler class came and helped us get the rest of the stuff up the stairs, and then they helped get my stuff down stairs, across the Close, and up to my room. James Joiner gave me some frozen yogurt and I took a short break to eat it. Best frozen yogurt I've ever eaten because I was so hot. The last time a t-shirt I was wearing was as soaked as it was that night was when I'd worn it as an undershirt for a soccer game in the middle of July. It was awful. We finally got all the stuff up to my room and I used the lamp that my awesome suitemate gave me to get stuff together and to start sorting things.
After I pealed the shirt from my body and showered I joined Chad and the people who'd helped us move in his room. It was very nice to just sit and cool down. Oh, yeah. While my room came with an A/C unit, it doesn't work, and its individuals' responsibility to get their A/Cs. I put in a work order Saturday morning for that (fast forward to Monday: they came, and they think it's shot, so I can either buy a new unit, or just let it sit. I've been keeping my window open round the clock). So we all sit in Chad's room and just calm down. Chad offers to let me sleep on his floor since his A/C works and I take him up on it. I started setting up my room as best I could, but didn't do a lot: I got some clothes out, and that was about it.
And Saturday I woke up and was basically too damn hot. I found a wireless network (the password I was using wasn't working on the network I thought I was going to be using; we've fixed that now) and I wrote thank you notes. Because the air wasn't working and it was so muggy, I moved as little as I could. I sat at my desk, nominally chatting, and wrote thank you notes to people who'd helped me move and helped me get to General. That kept me relatively cool, and in the interim, I've mostly unpacked (but still am a long way from having a pristine room).
So here I am, moved in. I've done some things in the City that I'll blog about as this week continues, hopefully getting caught up. I'm working on another entry (or two, but I just lost it's title) that aren't necessarily narrative, but more about some things I'm thinking about or conversations I've had or am having. I'm trying to ween myself from staring at my computer screen, so back to back entries isn't likely. Leave me some comments or quote me or something.

I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.

Or, How I Got to New York City via Seven States, a Flooded Road, and the Lincoln Tunnel
I've been here a week, I figure I can write something. I have another entry stewing in my head, a few actually, but for this one just narrative; rather than lumping them all together, I'll post a few different entries.
I got to New York not by aeroplane, but rather by Uhaul. Michael and Katie Drinkwater picked me up in Phenix City, and that was the beginning of our adventure, which was pleasant for the most part. We went through Georgia first. After driving about four hours we stopped for dinner and Katie and Michael swapped who was my passenger. I was driving the Uhaul since I had the most experience with a) [aggressive] city driving and b)large vehicles (a Wesley Suburban will do that to you). And thus we continued our journey.
Katie and I had excellent conversation...and then we got really tired of being on the road. We finally said, "We're stopping at the first exit we come to in VA...or 11:30, whichever happens first." Well, the first exit in VA didn't have lodging. Nor did the second. Finally, we stopped at Fancy Gap and stayed at the Days Inn, I think. We were using my iPhone's directions to navigate us, and they were a little different from MapQuest, mostly in good ways.
We got up the next morning and got back on the road. We didn't take 95 or have to deal with DC traffic. We went through WV which had AWFUL roads that were "under construction" but really just made the Uhaul not like the road. By this point it had started to rain, too. And it kept on raining the entire drive. We called the number in the Uhaul that was on one of the ~5k stickers to get movers scheduled. As we got closer to the city we started to encounter some traffic. We called the movers to let them know we were going to be late. And then things just went off.
As I said before, we were using the iPhone. Well, let me tell you in case you ever have to do this: the iPhone assumes you are driving a car, and from what I can tell there is no way to tell it you're driving something, shall we say, more commercial. So the iPhone had us taking this GREAT route to avoid tolls and avoid a lot of traffic really. And it took us to the Holland Tunnel. I pulled up and the woman just stared at me and said, "No commercial vehicles allowed." At that point she called a police officer to get traffic stopped so we could be diverted to the Lincoln Tunnel. Michael and I are in the Uhaul and I'm trying to get excited but am really just stressed about getting the truck through traffic and unloaded, all while the clock is eeking closer to when we're supposed to meet the movers.
So we follow the signs for the Lincoln Tunnel. And in the process of having to go through a traffic light, I lost Katie. We'd been an amazing team of drivers with me leading and her letting me in...but that one intersection just didn't work out. So I became the hated Uhaul in the right lane headed toward the Lincoln Tunnel as I waited for her to catch up. And she was confused. And neither of us had directions to the other tunnel, just signs, some of which were spotty.
We finally get on this road and I take what I swore was the sign to get to the Lincoln Tunnel. It turns out it was, but for a few minutes I was unsure; the sign had shared a post with a sign for a parking lot, and there was no traffic going either direction on this road which at one point was flooded. Katie had done some wonder driving and caught up with us and then we entered Lincoln Tunnel traffic. We were almost there. Katie let a Greyhound in. Traffic was so slow that Michael was able to get out of the car and go to Katie to get money for the toll, as that neither of us had cash. At the Holland Tunnel we were in Lane 2, so just one lane over to get turned around. We got to the tollbooth, where trucks were "$8 and up" and the toll was $16. And unlike Illinois tolls that take plastic or you can pay online if you don't have the fare, no no cash only. So....
Another police officer turned us around and we got back on the high way and took the first exit. I did some quick looking with "around me" and found a Wachovia very close to us. I parked illegally and told Michael to move the truck if anyone needed to get in or out of their driveway while I ran to get cash. I got the cash and got us back on the high way. I don't know if it was the fact that we'd already sat through it once or if it really was moving better, but the time we spent waiting to get into the tunnel felt a lot less.
We went through the Tunnel and missed the correct turn. However, unlike most Southern cities, New York is planned. And yes, children, there are lots of one-way streets, but they alternate and things just make sense. We were able to get our way to the Close (we'd sent Katie on through the tunnel our first try), and the movers parked the Uhaul for us and we started to move...
To be continued...

I'm in the City!

Yes, indeed, I made it. I'll regale you all with the tales of my travels perhaps tomorrow, but wanted to tell you that I'm having a good time and really looking forward to my class. In addition to having spent the summer at church with Cathy, I'm getting to know some classmates pretty well. I also have an amazing suitemate.
I'm blogging so late because I can't sleep, but I plan on blogging more regularly. I just think about Judy Dye checking my blog and she'll have an upper hand in conversations about the ongoings of my life if I blog them...for her and for other Troy people. I know some of my more recent Facebook friends might be embarrassed by what I write, but hey, if Michael can tweet things I can blog them, right? I also want to keep a record, and I think that blogging is a good place to do that. I'm going to try some new things with my blog, too:

• blogging things that I post on Facebook - this means links, videos, articles, others' blog entries, whatever. I want the information that I share that way to be made available other ways, too. That might mean a lot more content, but it will be nice for me to share doubly.
• blogging more regular daily events - so that I can remember what I did and so that others can keep up. We'll see how well I do on this one, as that it's pretty much always my goal to blog more, and it has yet to happen up to this point.
• blogging reflections - on biblical texts, on services, on hymns, on sermons, on news (church and secular), on things that happen in my life, on books that I'm reading and their affect on me, on things for which I am grateful, on things about which I've prayed, on things for which I need prayer.
• blogging things on my mind - mostly song lyrics, probably, but other media that I don't necessarily post on Facebook, such as quotations from books I've read or am reading but that stick with me and cause me to meditate, but posting them little or no commentary, just them in their typed or linked form.

I'm up so late because I prayed Compline with two guys in my class and then we sat and sang hymns a capella for at least an hour and a half, maybe longer. It was like singing Sacred Harp, but just singing what we had available...and it was great. We made up harmonies, we used the harmonies in the hymnals, we sang in unison. I look forward to more of it, and hope that others in our class will be able to join. I hope that the de facto separations between the two sides of the Chapel of the Good Shepherd and the Close and 422 don't stay too intact as we get more people from our class in and moving around.
We closed with
Lord of all gentleness, Lord of all calm,
whose voice is contentment, whose presence is balm
be there at our sleeping and give us we pray
your peace in our hearts Lord at the end of the day.
Let us bless the Lord.
Thanks be to God.

"Lord Revive Us!"

Savior, visit Thy plantation,
Grant us, Lord, a gracious rain!
All will come to desolation,
Unless Thou return again.

Chorus:
Lord, revive us!
All our help must come from Thee.(repeat)
Keep no longer at a distance,
Shine upon us from on high!
Lest for want of Thy assistance,
Ev’ry plant should droop and die.
(Chorus)(repeat)
As I sat in the 3rd floor room of University Baptist Church in St. Paul on Sunday evening singing, I decided that I love this song. I'm inspired by its words, by the people who said, "We need rain," and by the rain that I hear on the skylight. Sunday night, and tonight, I think of growing up in Silver Run Baptist Church with farmers and prayers for rain. The yards around here are brown, unless people have been watering, which they have in large part, but that still doesn't help the way a good rain does. This song's words made me think about watching Awake, My Soul! and the people who wrote (and write) and sang (and sing) songs from The Sacred Harp. In my analysis of Genesis worship/LA night I talked about music that is indigenous to communities, and my affirmation of that. I love The Hymnal, 1982 but I have to say that I love "Return Again" because it's the same kind of thing. An honest plea by people who need God's provision to survive and subsist. I think that's what gets me about it: its honesty, and lack of pretense.
But that's looking at it on a surface level, which I think is a very real level to this song. But there's also looking at it from a metaphorical perspective, which is very real too, I think. We're the plants that are dependent on God's help. And if we tell ourselves we aren't dependent on God's help we're lying to ourselves, to God, and to those around us. The language might be "simple" but I think it's profound and beautiful. "Lest for want of Thy assistance, Ev'ry plant should droop and die." The imagery there is easy to understand: without God - via rainfall of water or outpouring of spirit - the harvest dies. Period. And it's an image most people can understand on at least the face value of the text.
I might add some more entries on songs as I encounter them, or songs that are in my heart for some reason or another. The rain has stopped here now, but the night air has been cooled. The traffic is almost null. People are signing off of AIM and Google. My eyelids are starting to droop...
Lord, it is night. The night is for stillness. Let us be still in the presence of God. It is night after a long day. What has been done has been done; what has not been done has not been done; let it be. The night is dark. Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives rest in you. The night is quiet. Let the quietness of your peace enfold us, all dear to us, and all who have no peace. The night heralds the dawn. Let us look expectantly to a new day, new joys, new possibilities. In your name we pray. Amen. A New Zealand Prayer Book, p.184

Honey, what are you wearing?

I didn't get up to go to committee yesterday. I did get up and listen to the House of Bishops take up C056, which has to take up blessings. I liveblogged the debate, which was really good. You can follow all my General Convention updates at twitter.com/JosephPMathews. I had a piece of cheesecake for breakfast before that. The bishop gave it to me on Sunday after the diocesan luncheon. You can also follow ALL of what's going on about convention via twitter at search.twitter.com and searching for "#ecgc". When someone moved to postpone the discussion on C056 yesterday I left and went downstairs, but I didn't! Some of my legislation (new entry in a few minutes) came up so I stayed through it.
Before debate I was verbally assaulted by someone in charge of running the room, though. One person came up and told me and the guy from Center Aisle that we couldn't plug in. As soon as it was out of her mouth another woman came over, said it again, and then unceremoniously unplugged our computers. And then the chaplain prayed. And then she said, "You need to move your cords so that people don't trip!" When we asked why the answer was, "We're paying for power!" After my tweets someone posted this blog entry, which when I got it made me laugh. As the house session started the PB apologized to the bishops for the ENS headline about C025, and she said it would be fixed.
I was also wearing my Harry Potter costume all day yesterday.Throughout the day I got a lot of questions about it, but they were all positive. I explained and people laughed and enjoyed it. Since it's purple I was going to take it off for the House of Bishops, but Bishop Jacobus told me to go for it and have a good time. So I did. I took it off for Eucharist so as to not be a distraction or draw undue attention to myself. As I went down the escalator to go to the EPF booth to drop my robe off before Eucharist a beautiful young clergywoman said, "Honey, what're you wearing?" so I told her.
After session I went to eucharist and wound up sitting wiht a lot of EPF Yappers. We weren't big fans of the music yesterday. I got a veggie wrap (#3) from the exhibit all vendors and listened to EDS's new dean speak. I liked what she said. After it I went and spoke to the deacons and then campus ministry, where I was recruited to try to deliver a message to the House of Bishops, from which someone had borrowed campus ministry's pace banner. After that failed I sat on the floor and waited for them to get out of closed door session. I got in and they said that they'd take C056 back up today, so I left. It was about time for our EPF meeting by that point, too. We'd postponed from the day before (that was D025 discussion time). Someone from Episcopal Life, who posted the story online at that link.
We didn't really do legislative check in because we were all kind of tired and anxious about what was going to be happening, but we had a great conversation (I think) about D025. Most of us had been in the house of Bishops when they'd debated and voted, and we needed some time to just do group therapy and decompress (I think). It was really good to talk. We talked about Anglican polity, fear, the bishop who felt that others were hiding behind the smokescreen of the Communion, etc. When we broke I went back to the room to drop my bag and robe....
And then went to my first march. There will be pictures on Facebook. The neatest part was when we all took our signs down and were at our destination and people talked. I had to leave early because I was working Traces of the Trade. On the way back I was chatting with someone from Integrity who said that power strips had been put in the media area and when she went back the door keepers made a point of directing her to more power. That's amusing, too. When I got to the Marriott I checked in with Dain and Constance and then went to the diocesan hospitality room, where I got some grapes and enjoyed sitting with people from the Central Gulf Coast.,p>Traces of the Tradee was great, and it's inspired a blog entry for later today sometime After it I went to the room, got changed and was off to the theater. I have some interesting thoughts about Harry Potter and spiritual formation (that may be specific to me) that I'll blog later, too. Be looking for more content from me in the next few days! I have to write today's collect, as well.
Be well, do good works, and keep in touch.

The World is About to Turn

Today, I did not go to a committee meeting. My resolutions are still in committee. See previous post. I started my day in the House of Bishops, but they recessed for a few minutes and we left. Jessie and I went to the National Altar Guild's Ecclesiastical Arts exhibit, which was neat, especially the Three Kings. Then I went down to the House of Deputies to see what was going on. I don't really remember, but I did work on my knitting for a bit...and found out that the Bishop and Deputies of Venezuela aren't at General Convention because the US government wouldn't give them visas, despite having one or two (depending on the person) letters from the Secretary of the House of Deputies.

At Eucharist we sang a song many of you know I adore: "Canticle of the Turning," which is a paraphrase of the Magnificat. We've still yet to sing the Gloria, to my recollection, as the song of praise but this was pretty good. The sermon today was GREAT as well. It can be found on the G-Chub (pronounced just like it looks). I have a recording of the "Canticle of the Turning" on my computer, phone, and iPod. I was a chalice bearer again. :) I offer this for you NOT about the rest of the post, but rather to share what happened in worship today.

After Eucharist I went to the hotel and got my leftovers from last night's Indian food run, which was really good. It was just as good (maybe better) cold as it was warm. I had a piece of cheesecake from yesterday's diocesan lunch, too. I listened to The Consultation's speaker, who was good and taught me about Anglican women at the UN, both from the US and abroad. After that I went by the deacons' booth to get them to look at my knitting; I'm picking up lots of stitches, apparently. When I finished there I had a brief meeting with the Rev. Jayne Oasin. I'm applying to be on the Executive Council Committee on Anti-Racism. Then I went to the House of Bishops.

When I went in it was just because there was a rumor that D025 would come up, but no guarantee of that....but it did come up and it did relatively quickly. The bishops took 30 minutes of conversations at their tables and then moved to more full floor debate. The House of Bishops is a fun place because they know each other from meeting so many times every year in a way that the deputies simply can't. Debate was good and exciting, and I had to put my knitting down to focus on debate. (It wasn't nearly as relaxing as some people said it would be, largely in part because I make my stitches too tight, which makes it harder, ergo more frustrating, etc. etc.) There came a time when it felt like most people were ready for the question to be called, but no one would call it....until finally they did. And after prayer a roll call vote was taken on an amended form of the resolution. And it passed 99-45-2.

After that a group of us went to the Young Adult Festival's reception, where Canterbury USC lead us in worship, which was different but very much indigenous to their campus ministry, I think. And if there's one thing I do understand, it's campus ministries doing indigenous worship that works for them. After that I got dinner (Indian again) with a new friend and then had a tweetup. After that it was late and over here to blog, and I am almost done.

But first I want to re-emphasize that my posting of the video of "Canticle of the Turning" is NOT about D025. I supported D025, but it wasn't one that I was tracking. Yes, there are some changes that could be in the works both for TEC and the Anglican Communion, assuming that D025 gets through committee again and past the House of Deputies floor (which I would assume). But relative to the true liberation that comes in Christ, I don't think D025 is worth twisting the Magnificat into being about; it's about alllllll injustice in all times and place. I'm having a hard time conveying what I'm feeling, but I hope y'all understand.

inally, I offer you pictures: General Convention Part 2 (which features photos from the Integrity eucharist).

General Convention - Day 5

Today has been a good day. It was relaxing and I got some rest (which doesn't really mean a lot of extra sleep, but I wasn't running around all day). I got up and we went over to Eucharist together. It was FABULOUS. They put out 10K chairs, and I'd say about 9K of them were filled. The presiding bishop and the last two presiding bishops were the celebrants, and the PB preached a great sermon. Some of the music was a little off; some of the tempos were weird, but I really liked today's music best. I really wish we'd sung the Gloria today, though. We haven't sung it yet and I miss it. I got some good (no flash) pictures, too. The inspiration for tomorrow's collect came today from tweets starting this morning on the way to Eucharist.

After Eucharist I went to lunch with the Diocese of the Central Gulf Coast's group of people, courtesy of the bishop and his wife. It was very good getting to talk to some deputies and spending a lot of time with two members of the National Altar Guild. I showed them some of my stoles and they're recruiting me! ;) I brought cheesecake back to the hotel and got my computer and the information for the woman from TX. I had to e-mail her the link to our blog (the hits dropped today, btw. I expect y'all to visit more frequently!) so I got her contact info, too. From the hotel I went to see the deacons and I learned how to knit! I'm not too good at it yet, I don't think, but I'm making some progress.

The idea is to knit a scarf while you're at convention and then give it either to a shelter back home or give it back to them and they'll get it to someone in need. I got the ball of yarn and needles for a few reasons. I'm crafty and sew stoles, for one. For another, apparently knitting is a General Convention tradition. People bring their knitting for sitting in either house (including deputies and bishops of both sexes) so that their hands are occupied. I started following one of them on Twitter and am about to add another on Facebook. I might be starting to make some deacon's stoles for one of them! I sat and talked with them about the diaconate and how I <3>

Then to the EPF booth to hear the Rev. Naim Ateek speak. He's a really good speaker, and my eyes are really being opened the last three months about different perspectives on Israel/Palestine. Fr. Ateek is a Palestinian Christian and spoke as The Consultation's lunchtime speaker on Thursday. Growing up where I did and in the kind of theological background I've had, I've only been exposed to one side of the Israel/Palestine discussion/issue. I'm still sorting some things out and will continue doing that. It's something I need to do a lot of research on, especially reading. I worked on my knitting while he was talking to us and I absorbed a good deal of what he said, now that I think about it. Apparently that's a good way for me to do some focusing.

After he talked with us a group of us went and got Indian food, which I'm not used to. Not a lot of it in Troy, and I didn't make trips to Montgomery unless I had to. I was pleased with what I ate, although it was a little spicier than I expected...but I got used to it. While I was with the deacons, once during Naim's talk, and all through dinner I was following the debate and then voting on Resolution D025 (the hot issue of the day; I think most of the YAPs were wondering what was going to happen with it), and it passed with 2/3+ majority. After that we went to Traces of the Trade, which I've seen before and will see again Tuesday night. I think I'll talk more about it then because I will have been through the entire conversation about it that will follow.

I did NOT stay for the entire conversation tonight. I went and got frozen yogurt with Valerie, Nicole, and Gary. It was a good break :). Then I came back to the room and listened to various music and discussions about prisons and then took part in a discussion about sex offenders. Finishing up this blog entry, going to meditate some for tomorrow's collect (which I'm really looking forward to), and then going to post my sermon "The Dance Goes On" before going to bed.

Teaser: God of Imagination...