Newsletter July - September 02

"What will [the doctor] do when he sees only too clearly why his patient is ill; when he sees that it arises from his having no faith, because he is afraid to grope in the dark; no hope because he is disillusioned by the world and by life; no love but only sexuality; and no understanding, because he has failed to read the meaning of his own existence? Human thought cannot conceive any system or final truth that could give the patient what he needs in order to live: that is, faith, hope, love and insight." - Jung, Modern Man in Search of a Soul, p226.

Mexico Sermon

So I preached in Mexico.  At long last, there is video. It's in two parts.  I'd embed but it's too wide and I don't feel like playing with pixel width right now.

Part 1

Part 2

Motivation

This is going to be my motivation for some things for the rest of the term:

"Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I didn't get the grant.  I need to tighten my budget...but not to the point of not living the rest of the term.  :) All shall be well.

Bad News

This is my 400th post.  Huh.  Lose 50 pounds in three years, write 400 blog entries in three years. Well, I haven't hit the three year mark over here yet.  It's gone quickly, but I've been warned about that since high school.  Realize how quickly time passes. Three summers ago I spent ten days in Paris.  I worked at Northwestern for the summer.  I got on a scale and didn't like the number.  I decided my days on Xanga were done.

Last night I heard from Evangelical Education Society about my grant.  My grant proposal was not approved. I want to talk some more with the executive director (who offered to have such a conversation), but right now I have some feedback that I might get onto here.  I got approved by SCOM for my trip to Mexico, but they "don't approve grants to Europe." I'll wait until I've gotten some more info from EES before posting but I've got some strong feelings brewing.

I'm disappointed.  I've been saving all year for the trip.  I haven't been relying on the grant to go, but it would've helped with some padding.  Part of me wants to ask for help, but a bigger part of me (for now) wants to try to be independent and not ask for help. Part of me also feels like there are others who need help more than I do.  Yeah, I know, right?  I've talked a lot this week about relying on others. I find a pattern of trying to rely on myself, failing, and then getting thumped for it.

I am proud.  I hate it.  I didn't get the grant I wanted.  I'm disappointed.  I know that things will work out.  I'm going to do work.  That's the point.  It started with wanting to go to Paris for the summer to do something fun and do some work with a church.  Now that I have a plan and an objective, I'm going to work. There is work that the local leadership has said needs to be done, and they think that I can help get it going, so that's why I'm going.

How many times do I have to remind myself that it's not about me?  God deliver me of my pride, help me to trust in you, and remember the things you've done for your people.